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I’m still exhausted, and still pretty much in shock. Beka is devastated. Hundreds of animals died, including 12 new kittens they just got yesterday.

I’ve been on three separate news channels now, being interviewed. According to the fire chief, my house was in the most danger. We couldn’t see it at the time, but he told us a few hours ago that at one point, he had four fireman with two hoses standing in front of my house, just to be cautious. I’m SO beyond grateful that everything is ok.

I was video taping the fire with my digital camera (and giving commentary) at the exact moment the main fireworks blew, and blew out the windows. There were major explosions, etc. I have the video up on YOUTUBE if you want to see it. Two news channels have run my video tonight, b/c they hadn’t arrived on the scene yet when that happened. Pardon the quality, and pardon my crying. I was pretty freaked out when it exploded, watching fiery things land on my house.

Just to give you an idea of how close my house is to the fire (20 yards), I walked across to the other side today when the fire was out, and took a picture. This shows my house. See why I was so scared?

Thanks to all of you for the kind words, thoughts and prayers. Thankfully, no one was injured or killed in this. There was over 1.8 million in damage they’re saying… but NONE to any nearby houses or vehicles. We were all very, very lucky.

Please forgive me if this post is ‘all over the map’. I am exhausted. I am traumatized. I am sad.

It is now 9:58am. I have been back in my home for less than a half an hour. Around 3:30am, a fire broke out just across the street from my house in a 3-store ’strip mall’. It started in the south store, which was a pet store. And no, none of the many pets made it out alive. Next door to that is a Fireworks store, then a small Jackson Hewitt tax place… then a side street… then my house. My house sits literally less than 40 yards from the fire.

We were evacuated about 4:05am, and moved just across a small state highway, about 50 yards from the fire to the West. I was able to take many pictures and videos throughout the long morning. Thankfully, no one was injured or killed… yet. There is apparently one man missing, who was an employee of the fireworks store. They still haven’t been able to get in to look through the debris.

My home is nearly untouched. There’s a lot of smoke inside, but not dangerous amounts. It’s more just lingering. Before they let me back in, a fireman came in to make sure it was safe, and even brought a carbon monoxide tester in. I have some soot on the walls, but nothing that can’t clean. My cat, my house and our possessions are safe. And most importantly, WE are safe.

I was interviewed on camera during the fire by two separate news stations. If my name and/or video is aired anywhere, I promise to link it. For now, I am trying to get the videos uploaded. One of them… I was filming the fire at the moment the big fireworks in the fireworks store began to blow. I have video of the windows blowing out, and fireworks shooting off everywhere.

I love you all, my family and friends. I’m so happy and thankful that we are safe.

I’ve gotten several emails asking if I”m ok, so I thought I’d throw up a quick blog post to let y’all know what’s going on. Yes, I’ve been sick. Yes, I’m ok. I have a kidney infection AND mild bronchitis. (Yes, Justin, saw a doc today b/c my chest hurt, as well). I’m on antibiotics and a couple other meds, and I’ll be good as new in a couple of days.

Not true for my Dad, though. Y’all know of the problems he’s had with artery blockages and having part of his leg removed. Just two months ago, some occlusions in the stump were removed, and the specialist who did the surgery felt that the arteries would stay clear for “quite awhile”.

They are blocked again already. Two months, folks. That’s not good. We’re leaving for Chicago early tomorrow morning. (I’m getting ready to leave now to go spend the night there, easier to get ready and go tomorrow). While there, he’s getting yet another test to look at the occlusions, and then we immediately see the surgeon. We’ll know the plan of action tomorrow.

I pray they won’t have to take off the rest of the leg, but it’s honestly starting to look that way. Keep in mind, this is already an artificial artery that keeps blocking. So obviously replacing it with a fake one again isn’t going to work, either.

Keep Dad in your thoughts, guys. Those of you who know “Poppy Al” know what he’s been through the past year or so. Enough is enough already.

We took Jenna to the local pool for the first time last week. At 13 months old, she was SO much fun. She loves water, and isn’t afraid in the least. She even tries dipping her whole face in the water! We have to be careful of that, of course, so she doesn’t swallow a bunch of water and get sick. We slathered her in so much sunscreen, her hair was all matted with it. Since she has such thin blonde hair, her scalp could have burned easily!

Speaking of firsts with her, we’re heading to the Indianapolis Zoo on Sunday!! I absolutely LOVE going to the zoo, and so do both my girls. I can’t wait to see Jenna’s reactions to all the animals, sights and people… especially when we hit the Petting Zoo. We’re also hoping to get to an Indianapolis Indians baseball game this summer, and of course hit the lake a few more times.

She is at the stage where she learns something literally every day. What a joy it is to watch her excitement over every new thing she discovers. I have so much fun just sitting and watching her play and talk.

Beka is doing well. She’s not having as many minor attacks with the Chrohn’s Disease now, thankfully. She’s getting excited about returning to public school in the Fall. We did well enough on her home schooling that they are promoting her to 8th grade, where she should be. So yay me!

Ash’s pregnancy is coming along. She’s right at three months now. She’s having a lot of problems with dizziness and “morning” sickness again this time.. only worse. Poor baby. She spends the evenings here several days a week while Adam is at work… which doesn’t bother me at all! More Jenna spoiling time.

What’s that? Oh. How am I doing? Meh. You know me.. same old, same old. Work too much, sleep too little. But I love every minute of it.

You’ve been my best friend for many years now. You’re always just THERE when I needed you, good or bad. Because of you, I have grown in so many ways, and I honestly don’t think you even realize your role in that. You have helped me to learn things about not only malware and computers… but myself, and life in general. All this time, you’ve been an IM or phone call away. I know you’re not leaving ‘forever’.. but we both know it’s not going to be the same.

Thank you.

Those words just don’t begin to cover it, nor what your friendship means to me. I hope that somehow, you know what a huge place you have in my heart, and how much I treasure you. I hope you have the time of your life out there on the road, and that you return home safe and sound. Don’t forget us peons, ok?

Take care. I love ya. Ik zal u missen.

It’s impossible to believe a year has gone by already since I watched you come into this world. That was hands down the most amazing moment of my life, JennaBoo. I cried as you made your entrance, I cried while taking pictures of them cleaning you up, and I cried when I was the second person to hold you. What a tiny little piece of perfection you were.

Having you live with me for most of the past year has been such a joy. You and I have a very strong bond because of that, and I’m so grateful for it. As you grow up, I plan to be as much a part of your life as possible. You are already such a smart and sweet little girl, saying far more words than most 1 year olds do, even stringing two words together. You startled us all by walking on your own at ten months, but then you’ve been stronger than average since the night you were born (according to your doctors).

I have so many hopes and dreams for your future, little lady, just as I do for your Mommy and your Aunt “BehBeh”. Most of all, I dream of being in your life and watching as you grow into a strong and wonderful woman. The ride getting you there is going to be amazing.

I love you my little Princess. Happy first birthday, Jenna Rose.

I was driving home from my daughter’s house a little while ago, and heard a song on the radio that always makes me tear up. The song itself is beautiful and powerful, yes. However, what brings the tears is a memory I have attached to that song. It hit me as I was thinking about it… moments matter most. I decided to give some thought to important moments in my life, and share them with you. I hope you enjoy this peek into my thoughts.

Most Awe-Inspiring Moment

Watching my granddaughter being born almost exactly a year ago. It was such an amazing thing, I honestly cannot describe it. I have been fortunate to be in the delivery room with a few other people, and those were pretty cool, as well. However, being there and seeing Princess Jenna come into the world was literally awe-inspiring.

Most Emotional Moment

This has to do with the song He’s My Son that I mentioned at the beginning of this post. I participate in Relay for Life every year, which is a really fun event that the American Cancer Society puts on across the country to raise money for Cancer research and patient’s needs. A few years ago at our event, there was a man who told the story of his son, who was fighting for his life at that very moment. It turns out, this guy also had an amazing voice, and plays piano. He sang this song on the stage after telling his story, and there was literally not a dry eye in the stadium. That man was my Daddy. The son was my brother, who we lost just a few short weeks later. It was more emotional than anything I can remember ever in my life.

Most Terrifying Moment

Every terrifying moment I have had has centered around my daughters. My only true fears in life are that something will happen to one of my girls. I have been scared hundreds of times over other things, yes. But true terror? The worst moment I can remember was when Beka was in the hospital this past December, and they were running many complicated tests. Some of the things they were thinking could be wrong with her were just horrible. She has Crohn’s Disease. That in itself is bad in a way, but it’s not life-threatening most of the time. It is treatable, even though it’s not curable.

Most Unhappy Moment

This is a toss-up between a few things, all dealing with deaths. My brother… my best friend Nikki… and my son. ‘Nuff said.

Most Pissed Moment

Hah! Easy to choose this one. I’ve been mad many times in life. I’ve been furious. I’ve been downright pissed. But the worst? The night that I finally threw my rat bastard ex-husband out. He hurt my child, and that, my friends, is something NO ONE does. At that moment, I was no longer afraid of him. I was pissed.

Most Unbelievable Moment
There is a tie for this one. I cannot choose between the two. The first was being named a Coca-Cola National Scholar for 2003. I was a single mom, working full time and going to college full time. To be recognized in that way was just unreal to me.

The second was being named a Microsoft MVP… all three years. It hasn’t “worn off” yet. I still am awed every time I see the awards on the wall above my desk, literally. I still get that proud and excited feeling when someone refers to me as an MVP. I think to myself “wow. That’s me!”

Most Proud Moment

This was a tough one, as well. I was proud when my girls were born. I was proud of Ashley when Jenna was born. I was proud of getting through college, winning my scholarships, being recognized by Microsoft. But again, the winner in this moment category goes back to my divorce. My proudest moment was the one in which I realized I was no longer a victim. I was a strong woman, who didn’t need to be afraid any more. That moment changed my life, and probably saved it, as well.

Most Happy Moment
I honestly don’t think I’ve had my happiest moment yet in my life. There have been so many, and each of them have been wonderful. I honestly cannot pick just one moment in my life to classify as THE happiest. It’s not possible.

So you see, life is made of moments. Some are good, and some are bad. Many will make you cry, whether in joy or sadness. All of them will shape your life, and your future. What you do with those moments is what counts. Treasure them. Hold them in your heart and memory. Take them out sometimes and look at them, even if they hurt.

Most importantly, never stop experiencing moments.

Good lord I’m getting terrible about remembering to blog. I know, I know. Please forgive me? So much has been going on the past few months, and there’s much to tell!

Let’s start with the biggest news, that many of you already know. I am going to be a Gramma again in late December, or early January!! Yes - she planned this one. She wants two children, and wants them close together. So far, she’s doing really well… much better than the last pregnancy. She’s had some “morning” sickness, but not as bad this time. We’re all hoping for a little boy this time!! We’ve all started throwing baby names around. So… what names get your vote?

Ashley, Adam and Miss Jenna now live in their own Townhouse. It’s a really nice place, with tons of space and two huge bedrooms. There’s lots of room for the new baby when HE comes. Ash is really proud of her new place, and loves it! Beka spends the night there often already. She’s not doing very well at adjusting to having Ash not around.

Beka is about to end her school year. Remember, we’ve been Homeschooling since December. She’s stayed current with her class, and is planning to attempt to return to regular public school to begin 8th grade in August. I actually have a meeting with the school here this week, to make sure everything is in line for her to start there, so there are no surprises come Aug. She also wants me to check into softball and cheerleading. She’s really hoping it’s not too late for those for next fall.

Princess Jenna will turn a year old on the 28th already. Amazing how times flies! She’s such a hilarious little character, and Gramma is totally in love with her. She walks all over without help or falling down, and tries to run. She’s bonked her head hard a few times during the learning-to-walk process, but they all do at that stage. She’s not had anything to really worry about. She does so many adorable things. It’s impossible to pick just one or two to tell you about! She says several words now: “mama, dada, baabaa”, “behbeh” (that’s her word for Beka), “boo”, “hi”, “byebye”, “kiki” (for our kitty), and a couple others. She also put two words together the other day! We were walking in the door at Ash’s place, and Jenna waved and says “Hiiii BehBeh”, plain as day! So cool!

Yes, we have a kitten. Beka and I adopted him about a week ago. He’s nearly five weeks old, and is a little doll. He’s pure black, and a little fluff-ball. Beka took two days to name him, and finally settled on “Gomez”. Dunno why, she just thought it was cute. I keep slipping, and calling him Gizmo. (Who remembers that movie?!?!?!) He loves curling up on us to sleep or be petted, and is also a little Spaz at times, as all kitties are.

Hmm what else? Just the normal things… work, school, housework, GeeksToGo, etc. I’m always busy, but I wouldn’t change a thing. I am LOVING my life the way it is right now.

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the sun does not appear,
I will be here.

If in the dark we lose sight of love,
Hold my hand and have no fear,
‘Cause I will be here.

CHORUS
I will be here when you feel like being quiet;
When you need to speak your mind, I will listen.
And I will be here when the laughter turns to crying;
Through the winning, losing, and trying, we’ll be together,
‘Cause I will be here.

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the future is unclear,
I will be here.

As sure as seasons are made for change,
Our lifetimes are made for years,
So I will be here.

CHORUS
I will be here, so you can cry on my shoulder;
When the mirror tells us we’re older, I will hold you.
And I will be here to watch you grow in beauty,
And tell you all the things you are to me;
I will be here.

I will be true to the promise I have made,
To you and to the One who gave you to me.

As sure as seasons are made for change,
Our lifetimes are made for years,
So I, I will be here.
We’ll be together and i will be here.

~Steven Curtis Chapman

The title is the only way I can think of to describe my life as it is now. I have mixed feelings about so many different things, it’s hard to sort through it all. The past few weeks have been a roller coaster of highs and lows… to the point I don’t even know how to put it all together coherently.

My Dad is doing well, after his surgery on Monday. He’s quite sore, of course. You would be too with staples in your groin and leg. He will have to go back in a month or two at most to get the other leg worked on, so I will be at the hospital in Chicago all over again, worrying about my Daddy. I can’t help it. At 37 years old, I’m STILL a Daddy’s girl.

Ashley, Adam and Jenna will be moving next weekend into their first home of their own. It’s a very nice 2 bedroom townhouse, only ten minutes away. I am struggling with this. I know Ash is mature enough, and more than ready to be on her own. I know she’ll do great. I know it’s ‘time’. That doesn’t make it any easier on me. We’ve always been really close… more so since Jenna was born. It’s just tough on Mommy to let her fly, you know? I’m proud of her, and happy/excited for her… and sad for me all at the same time.

**Edited to remove part of the post. The friend I was worried about contacted me awhile ago, apologizing profusely. It was a giant misunderstanding. I think it was a matter of my insecurity causing me to worry needlessly, and make things worse than what they were.**

Being in Seattle with everyone for the Summit was an amazing experience, and one I will never forget. I am so grateful to be a part of the MVP group, and have the amazing friends that I do. The times we spent in the hotel bar in the evenings were the best. The talking and laughing was absolutely the high point of the entire trip.

I reconnected with an old friend the other day, via WyldRyde. This friend used to be a part of the staff at GeeksToGo, and we lost touch when real life got in his way. It is GREAT to talk with him again, and catch up on life.

See what I mean? Ups and downs, highs and lows. It’s a lot to deal with… but deal with it I will. I always do, with the help of amazing friends.